Last night Maleri watched our kids so we could go on a much needed date night.  We went to El Jalience in Montpelier-so yummy!  And then we went grocery shopping-I know, pretty romantic date, right?  It was nice to have some alone time, but it sure is harder to carry on conversations when the kids aren't there to do some of the talking. Hopefully we can keep working on that...  When we stopped to get Brandt and Kylie on our way home, they begged for Allee, Jolie, and Bridger to come for a sleepover.  They made a huge bed with every blanket we own in the living room and then watched Frozen-a favorite for everyone right now.  This morning Jolie was extra patient with Bridger and Kylie and spent time playing with them and letting them fix her hair.  Allee and Brandt were happy to spend time outside with the animals, even though the wind was horrible.  They all got a surprise when Bryce got home and saddled Grizz and gave them each rides around the field.  Buddy has been waiting to get on and ride all winter so he was the first in line to get on.  Unfortunately, as soon as his dad lifted him up into the saddle, his anxiety took over and he had to get right back off-a big disappointment to us and him because that was a phobia he had worked on with Shaun last summer and had seemed to overcome. :( It breaks my heart to watch him feel badly about himself when it's difficult for him to do the things that the other kids are doing-especially when he realizes that even the "little kids" aren't scared to do it and especially in this case when he LOVES his horse so much and has been waiting for months to get back in the saddle.  I'm so thankful that we have been blessed with many ways of helping him cope and learn to overcome his anxiety, and I'm sure that this is something we will work on a little more again at counseling on Monday.  I have no doubt that weak things can become strong through the grace of our Savior, just as we are told in the scriptures, and that's a thought that runs through my mind often. Believing that is one of the things that strengthens me through my trials and helps me know that the hard things my family goes through are worth it. So for now, our family will continue to work on our weaknesses-from our lack of communication skills to our fears and everything in between. I trust that as we work hard to help each other, having faith and obeying the commandments we've been given, we will be blessed and strengthened in our efforts.

Brotherly (and Sisterly) Love

It's amazing how these two can beat up on each other and make each other crazy one minute and then be the best of friends the next.  Kylie is the kind of girl who doesn't give up the fight easily even when her brother obviously has her beaten.  She bawls, and screams, and throws a fit, but she won't back down or walk away for anything.  And every now and again, she gets the best of him.

Spring Break

The kids have been out of school this week for spring break.  I was able to be home with them yesterday and today because Dr. Campbell's office was closed for a couple days.  Brandt has been sad about his dwindling snow hill, so he was SUPER beyond excited to wake up to snow. I was not, but watching his happy dance and seeing him have fun with simply catching snowflakes on his tongue made it worth a little snow that probably won't stay long anyway.  Later that afternoon I got some girl time with Kylie when buddy went swimming with his friend Joslyn.  Sister wanted me to take pictures of her modeling a pair of her new birthday socks-such a ham!! Then we had a great time painting her fingernails and toenails, complete with "patterns and stickers", and then we cuddled and read books.  While a large part of my days at home were spent doing things like mounds of laundry and sink fulls of dishes, it was so nice to just do mom things for a couple days.  It's going to be really hard to make myself go back to work next week...

Communicating with and establishing trusting relationships with people can be a difficult thing for many of us, but even more so for those who have disabilities or who have been hurt by someone before. Brandt has always loved spending time with the dogs and horses.  We have caught him many times doing things like standing on the hay stack and roping the horses, herding them into different corrals than they were originally in, climbing underneath them and picking up their feet, and hugging their legs.  He rolls around on the grass with the dogs and eats their food and drinks their water alongside them and shares "kisses" with them (so gross!!)  We of course have been afraid of him getting kicked by one of the horses or bitten by one of the dogs, but so far that hasn't happened.  It seems that he has developed a relationship with them and they are always calm and gentle around him-even when he's a little on the wilder side.  Brandt says of the pictures I captured today,  "I love my horses because they are kind of funny.  Grizz and Buck let me give them hugs and I give Grizz kisses.  They know my voice and come over to me.  Grizz never kicks me even if I walk behind him.  I know he will never hurt me."  If only I could trust the world to be so kind to him as our gentle giant Grizz is (he's about 17 hands tall!)  For now, I appreciate that Brandt has a living, breathing friend that he can connect with and love without reservation.  

Say Love

There are a lot of things that I don't miss about high school.  There is one event that still haunts me from time to time.  Toward the end of my junior year I was pulled out of a class by someone from the yearbook class and was told I needed to have my picture taken because I had been voted for something by my classmates.  I didn't know until afterward that what I was voted for was the girl with "the most overwhelming self-esteem".  Hmmmm, not exactly a positive award in my mind.  I was crushed. I was embarrassed.  I was paranoid about how many of my classmates thought this of me and wondered which ones had come up with it in the first place.  I doubt they could have known that I felt absolutely the opposite about myself and that I struggled daily with anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. I was nervous about silly things like walking down the hall for fear that I would trip or bump into someone or that I would say something dumb.  My heart would beat out of control any time I should talk to someone, even if it was just in passing, so I would often avert my eyes to avoid conversation. Like many teenage girls, I didn't feel pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, and the list could go on.  I had faced the lowest points of my life in the year leading up to that and anyone who knew my heart knew that it was breaking more every day.  The only person who I thought really understood me at that point was hundreds of miles away serving a mission, which looking back now is something that probably strengthened me and my faith more than if he would have still been here.  Just after Kenny left on his mission during my sophomore year, my cousin Cody, who I often looked to as sort of a big brother figure, was killed in a car accident.  It was devastating, but also a testimony builder.  A couple months later I injured my shoulder playing softball-the one thing in life that gave me the most confidence because I loved it and was good at it.  So my junior year started out with me having major shoulder surgery and watching my volleyball team (and later my softball team) play without me and go to state-something I had dreamed of since I was little.  Because I had put so much time into playing sports, I wasn't sure what my identity was without it, and I didn't know who my real friends were because suddenly the girls I usually spent a ton of time with at practices and games were busy with those exact things while I couldn't be and I felt like I was fading into the background.  I spent a lot of time in physical therapy and even more time being depressed about how my life was going.  I wasn't getting along with my family.  I was struggling and slacking off in school-something that had never happened before-and while I still had a 3.9 GPA I didn't feel like it was good enough because I knew I could do better if I would just finish my homework and study.  So, long story short, I felt misjudged and hurt and I spent too much time being bitter about it.  Looking back, it was a lesson that I am now thankful for. I have thought of that experience many times as I strive to be kinder to others.  I try to look past outer appearances and love people for who they are-children of God.  It taught me to be slower to judge and to be quicker to give the benefit of the doubt when someone may be having a bad day.  We never know what battles those around us may be fighting-we need to make sure our words will strengthen and lift them and not tear them down more-even if it appears that they are making bad choices.  There have been so many times when I've been having a hard time and a kind word from someone has made all the difference. It isn't always even a kind word-a smile or a wave or a hug can be just as powerful.  I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who knows my heart and loves me despite my shortcomings-I have often felt of their love through the kind words and acts of those around me.  There is great joy to be found in sharing a little bit of that love with others, and I hope to do better in doing just that.

Say Love by Hilary Weeks

A picture might be worth a thousand words

But a heart can be changed with one

Lives are shaped and minds are changed

By what is said or what is not

There's a shortage in this world of "I believe in yous"

And somebody, somewhere needs some

Chorus:  So say love, love

Say love, love

Only love, love

Say love, love

Say love, love

Only love, love

I'll take the words that you give me

And wrap them over and under and through my heart

I'll wrap them over and under and through my heart

I'll wrap them over and under and through my heart

We all give words away

Doesn't cost anyone a dime

But everybody knows there's a price to be paid

When the words are something less than kind

Chorus

I still remember every word that you said to me when I was fallen

Down, down, down, down

How it lifted me up

How it lifted me up

How it lifted me

You never know who might need it

Yes it lifted me

So say love, you never know who might need it

Say love

Chorus

One of the great things about having my family and Bryce's family close by is that we get to celebrate birthdays two days in a row.  Kylie loved getting to play with her cousins, open more presents, and eat blue cupcakes and ice cream.  All the kids had fun with the bright blue frosting. :)  Then she got to watch Frozen again and grandma Shellie was impressed that she already has dang near the whole thing memorized even though she only saw it once in the theater and we just got our own copy last night.  One "exciting" thing that happened was when Brandt took off down Stringtown on a bike trying to follow Riley and Adrie who were going down across the highway to do chores for a neighbor.  Bryce and I had no idea he had left, so thankfully Doug saw him.  By the time we caught up to him in our car, he was almost to the church-pedaling as hard and fast as his little legs could go.  He was basically staying on his side of the road, but was wobbling all over the place because he was trying to go so fast.  He was oblivious to the vehicles that were passing him, and it's a miracle he didn't get hit.  Yet another evidence that there is a God and a legion of guardian angels watching over and protecting that boy...