Dr. Campbell is out of the office this week which means I get some extra days to spend with the kids. Kylie did such a great job helping me tack up Sunny this afternoon and then rode her around like a pro. She even trotted a bit a few times. She was supposed to be in cleaning her bedroom, along with her brother who snuck out first and saddled Butch on his own and was riding around by the time I found him. It was actually a nice break and it was hard to stay mad at them for long. However, the adventures didn't stop there. Before the afternoon was over, they also got Rusty the goat out and tried to walk him using only the dog leash- that wasn't going well and it was probably a good thing I found them when I did so I could help get him put away before he and Brandt both ended up in the highway. Another time I lost both kids for a short time and finally found them in the horse trailer with both dogs- Missy and Texie. Somehow the latch had closed so they were all locked in there. That is just a snippet of how our day went. Needless to say, we didn't get much cleaning done. On the bright side, none of us were bored at all today, either, and the cleaning will still be there waiting for us tomorrow...

Brother Kip Motta spoke in church today about reverence. Satan makes our world loud and chaotic- we have to make time to be still and quiet. This was brought up again in relief society lesson by Sonja from President Hinckley. The lesson was about losing ourselves in service- it doesn't have to be something big, even a smile or hug can impact someone in ways we may not ever realize. There is a vital need to be quiet and listen for the promptings that will come to help us serve others when needed. Something that came to my mind through out both meetings was how obvious it is in Brandt that when his surroundings are loud and chaotic it is so difficult for him to listen to and obey the voices that will keep him safe. Often even when it starts out being a "fun" chaos, it always ends with him having meltdowns or making bad choices and losing control of himself. Our relief society lesson also talked about temple work bringing happiness. I thought of the comparison of how Brandt is on edge and wild in busy, noisy, chaotic places, but the times when we've had him in the temple he is calm and relaxed.  I also thought of the times when someone has done something simple like hugged me or told me thank you for something. Just today after church Gayleen Keetch stopped me and told me how impressed she was with how I handle Brandt and his challenges as she had noticed he was struggling to go into primary and came into relief society to get me a couple times as he often does. She assured me that I'm doing a good job as a parent. She also thanked me for recently being able to recognize that her son was having a panic attack at the fireworks and I was able to help calm him enough to get him out of the situation. During church I was also reminded in my thoughts of a time when I did a session and as it was time to go through the veil I recognized the voice of brother Dean Michaelson on the other side. It comforted and calmed me as I completed that part and it was such a beautiful feeling to have the veil parted and be welcomed through by someone I knew, recognized, and loved and I knew that he felt the same for me. More recently I was able to take Jane and Mariah down before riah left for the MTC. We did initiatory work first, which is always a sacred experience, and then we went through a session. When we got to the veil I was next to Riah and I could hear her grandpa Jim on the other side. What a special thing for her to be brought through by her grandpa and I am positive that it wasn't by coincidence, especially because she was nervous since it was still such a new thing for her. I love when I go to the temple on Tuesday mornings and as I come out from the waiting room I almost always hear the voice of uncle Jaren welcoming patrons at the front desk. When I get to the desk, he always takes time to give me a warm hug and tell me how special I am, how much he loves me, and how much better his day is because he saw me. Just as I recognized the voices of those men that I respect and love, I hope that when the day comes, I will recognize the voice of my Savior and that I will feel that same calming reassurance that He is happy to see me and that He loves me. For now, I need to work harder at making quiet times to listen for His voice through the Holy Ghost- not just for myself but also for my children.

Tonight I was doing some reading and the following powerful quotes came from a talk in the ensign this month titled "Put the Savior First" by By Elder Robert C. Gay Of the Seventy:

"You are not here by accident. You are here by choice. You wanted the opportunity to prove yourself. You are here at a time of morally twisted opposition that calls “evil good, and good evil” (Isaiah 5:20). You elected to stand here to give service and to love.

In opening this last dispensation, [Christ] reminded us that He “partook” of “the bitter cup” and “finished” the required ascent to the cross (see D&C 19:18, 19). God expects engagement. You are to be a finisher and not an observer in the Savior’s battle for the souls of men. This is how we show our love to Him, “shine before men,” and receive His enabling power and grace in our own lives."

I know these words are true. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and allowed me the choice to come to Earth and choose to follow His Son or the ways of the world. I feel such a huge responsibility as a mother especially to be a shining example of a disciple of Christ, following Him and serving Him by serving others and listening to and obeying His Words. Although I know I fall short continually, I also know that my Savior loves me and has provided a way to repent and try again- over and over and over... For this I am indeed grateful and I hope to be able to be a witness of that to those around me.

Dumpster Diving

Usually Brandt is my garbage "treasure" collector, but apparently Kylie isn't above a little treasure seeking herself. She came home this week and was super excited to show me her new decoration she brought home from school. She said, "mom, I totally went dumpster diving and saved this sign after teacher threw it away! Yes, I actually dumpster dived!"

Brain Damaged Tooth Fairy

This is the third night in a row this poor girl has tucked her tooth neatly between her pillows hoping to find money in the morning. She had an abscess and has been on antibiotics since last week and then had it pulled earlier this week by Dr. Weston. She was a little nervous, but she did AMAZING! She didn't even flinch at all and just squoze my hand when it hurt. So tonight I finally remembered about her tooth and my fairy duties. Brandt was still awake when I slipped the money between her pillows, but that's just one of the perks of my children knowing that I'm really it when it comes to things like Santa and tooth fairies- no more trying to remember until both kids are asleep or remembering before they wake up in the morning. And Kylie is super patient because she knows I have "brain damage" since my accident- her words, not mine.

Another glimpse into our life on the spectrum... This is buddy waiting for church to start on Easter Sunday. From the outside it could appear that he is disrespectfully playing electronics and listening to his headphones. In reality, these are coping mechanisms for him to deal with his anxiety and sensory issues. He is actually playing a game that helps with Neuro feedback and helps his brain stay calm and logical. The headphones are a tool that we have begged him for years to use in social settings to help block out some of the chaos. At one point during the meeting he was using my tweezers to pull arm hairs- it helps release some of his anxiety and gives him the sensory input that he needs. Rewind to the Sunday before when his ear buds were broken and he wouldn't take his headphones because he worries about people around him noticing them. While waiting for church to begin, he was about to go crazy as it got louder and louder with everyone talking in the chapel. At one point Brandt looked over at me and said he wished bishop would stand up to the microphone and tell everyone to just shut up. Couple that with the fact that his pants didn't feel right and were driving him crazy and we barely made it through the first part of the meeting before leaving for some quiet time and a change of clothes. He was able to get himself decompressed and calmed down enough to return to the chapel and finish out sacrament meeting as well as the next 2 hours of primary. It has been a long journey for him and us to be able to recognize when he is sensory overloaded and to be able to step out of the situation, get control, and come back. There is a constantly changing learning curve for all of us and we appreciate those around us who understand and support us in the process.

So this happened tonight!!! Brandt has now had 3 sessions with his OT, John Beenfield, and he's been working on getting him to wash his face and brush his teeth. His idea to have him set his own timer to remind himself was brilliant! First time ever he's brushed his teeth on his own without a battle and nagging, bribing, or threatening from us. It was almost a no go when he got stuck on the fact that I didn't have paper cups for him to use for his swishing water and his spitting cup like John did, but finally he was able to adjust and use our plastic cups. For those of you who don't understand buddy's sensory issues or what it's like when he gets stuck on something and has to adjust, let me just tell you that both of these are HUGE accomplishments for him and have taken years of hard work on his and our parts and in counseling with Shaun. I was so proud of him and the best part was that he was actually smiling and proud of himself! Now he's safely tucked away for bed with Mollie between the head of his bed and the wall. Who needs a full bed when you can be nice and cozy squished in a tight space on a pile of blankets and reading a book before going to sleep with your best friend?

First Official Ride of the Year

Buddy has been riding Buck bareback all winter-whether we wanted him to or not. Kylie has been begging to ride, so we finally got around to brushing down Buck and Sunny and saddling up Buck.  Brandt rode around for quite a while, which was a bit of a surprise since he doesn't usually like using a saddle. Sunny was acting up a little, so Kylie took her turn on Buck as well. She couldn't get him to budge for her, so Bryce walked around the field with Buck following close behind. After a long winter it felt so good to be out in the sunshine! It was a beautiful spring afternoon made even better by doing something that we love together as a family.